Open Adoption Round Table #3...My Hopes and Dreams for Our Adoption

Production Not Reproduction is hosting another round table about open adoption, this time listing our hopes and dreams for our own open adoptions.

It's hard to narrow down this one! I have so many hopes and dreams...thoughts about how I'd ideally like for the future to turn out within our own personal triad. I think basically I would like for us to all be truly family, the way we are with our daughter's birthmother and her family. I would like more from birthdad and his family. And most of all I want my child to grow up knowing that adoption DOES make her different....but in a good way!

For R, our daughter's birthmom, I would like:

-Peace to come from communication more often than not. We are honest and open with each other but sometimes I do still worry about her feelings.
-A good relationship with our daughter to grow and mature as she grows up.
-I just want her to be able to continually see how much we love our daughter and that we're doing our best to give her a wonderful and happy childhood.


For C, R's son:

-A relationship with his sister and her brother, our son, to develop and feel real, because it is.
-For him to know that we are HIS FAMILY too, and want to be there for him whatever he needs in the future.


For R, our birthdad, I would like:

-I would like him to have more communication with us for all the kids that are involved here, and for himself, so he can have a relationship with our child.
-I'd like him to be honest with his family about our child, because I want them to have the chance to know us, too, and because I think that carrying a secret like that can't be good.
-I'd like him to have peace however he can get it, but I would hope that it could be achieved and at least have SOME level of contact, at least for the kids' sakes. I'm not saying A LOT of contact, but emails at least, would be nice.


For J and G, his sons:

-I want them to know our daughter, and have a relationship with her. They're so innocent and it could be so easy to have a relationship with them...
-I would like to be there for them whatever they need, too. They're our family now, after all.
-If R doesn't want a relationship with us, that's ok, but I would hope that J and G will be offered the chance to contact us and their sister as they get older.


For A, his daughter:

-I would like for her to know her sister exists and IS HER SISTER. I know she wants a sister...the heartbreaking thing for me is that she has one.
-I would like her to have a relationship with her sister and know we are there for her.


For our child's extended family:

-I would like contact with anyone and everyone who would like it. For them and for our daughter.
-I want them to know how loved and cherished she is and that we're doing the best for her that we possibly can. I'd like them all to know how happy she is.


For our daughter:

-To know that her birth AND adopted families love her very much.
-To have contact with her birthfamily, esp her siblings.
-To know that we love her birthfamlies.
-To feel that being adopted makes her special in a good way, never in a bad way.
-To know that she made us a family, even though her brother is our first biological child.
-To know that we are in no way ashamed of her being adopted, and that she shouldn't be either.
-To feel comfortable being open with anyone she wants about our family.
-To never feel abandoned, and if she feels it, to have it easily put to rest by us or her bio family.
-To grow up happy and strong in her identity as a wonderful young woman.


For us...myself, my husband, and our (bio) son:

-To continue to view openness only as a good thing.
-To continue to be the way we are.
-To never have bio/adoption issues between the kids, and if it comes up, to have it put to rest quickly and without longterm damage.
-To love each other because we ARE blessed to have THIS family and we should never forget that it could easily have gone another way. I'm not a believer in absolute "everything happens for a reason" per se, but....if not this, something totally different and that is not to say better.
-For our families and friends to care about more than JUST Ava....to have real interest in her bio family and not have to have who's-who explained every time we mention a bio sibling or parent...because their caring and knowing shows they care and know ABOUT HER. And their not listening or retaining the knowledge shows that they aren't invested in parts of her that matter very much to all of us.


Some of these things will almost certainly happen, and other things I have great fear of not coming true. But if I had my way, this is at least most of how I'd like to see our open adoption.